I Like Turtles!

Good days turn bad;

bad days get better. 

Also are days

light as a feather.

Then comes the days

when nothing goes right.

The good you do

is pushed out of sight.

In those bad times

you just aren't enough.

Life kicks you hard.

"Why aren't I more tough?"

Here is that day!

I sit all alone.

No one to call.

My happiness flown.

Few understand

and even less care.

And why should they?

They have far less wear!

~ Leland Spindler

Who Does That?

I am constantly bewildered and shocked at things I see and hear on a regular basis. There are days I come home in complete hysterics at the funny happenings of my life. There are days I come home a bit shattered as I realized our future is in the hands of some very... stupid people. Its amazing what you can see and hear if you're just a little observant. People have so little shame. I hear and see things that are absolutely hysterical, some that are a bit dreadful, and others are simply horrific. Allow me to give my thoughts on just a few of the things that have entered my peripheral in these last couple of months.

Are You a Coward?

The world has changed. It is definitely not the same place it was when I was young. And that's nothing compared to the changes that have happened since my parents were kids. Can you imagine how much it has changed since when our grandparents were kids? Good gracious! There are both positive and negative changes: the civil rights movement, the abortion movement, the internet, smart phones, Facebook, Facetime, Skype, cell phones, computers, game systems, gay marriage equality movement, etc etc etc. The world has become so much smaller in so many ways, and yet in other ways it is more distant than ever. Despite having more ways than ever to connect to people, we have become more and more disconnected from each other. One of the side effects of this disconnection is a flare in cowardice. Allow me to explain.

The Final Good-bye

Having a relationship end between two people is such a fascinating roller coaster of emotions. The thoughts and feelings that go through a person's head and heart are complex, confusing, bewildering, heart wrenching, dramatic, traumatic, fierce, numbing, and extremely powerful. This past year, as I have discussed the breakups of several of my close friends--as I have counseled and cried with them--I have found a common thread: how could I ever do better? How could I possibly find someone who loved me as much? The question eats at the core of a person. It causes such pain for weeks and months after the relationship ends. So, I thought I'd share some of my thoughts and insights.

The Hunger Games Easter Egg Hunt

This year in lieu of seeing my family and doing the normal holiday traditions, I had a different journey. It was exciting in its own ways, but that's neither here nor there. One of the most fun things we did this Easter was the first annual Hunger Games Easter Egg Hunt. Let me explain the rules, oh and may the odds be ever in your favor.

One Year and Counting

One year ago this week I got my life back. It wasn't an easy task—but I have my life back. So here I am to tell some of my story: I am an "abuse" survivor. You know when people say "abuse," it always makes me think of some terribly sappy Lifetime movie. There is always some kind of context, script, some kind of happy take-home message, and a purpose. That's not my experience; that's not my life.

A Letter from a Student

This week after one of our rehearsals, during the flurry of people exiting and entering the room, I found a letter on the piano that had been left by one of my students upon exiting. At first my heart dropped when I saw it. Had I offended someone, and now was about to learn what I had done? Was I about to receive a chastisement? I don't know why I always jump to those conclusions...haha. Anyway, I decided to share the letter here. Read away :)

The Unconventional Thanksgiving

This year I have had an unconventional thanksgiving; I wasn't able to go home and celebrate with my family, nor  have the traditional meal (I made myself a great huge breakfast for dinner). And so, I want to make an unconditional list of things I'm thankful for. 

Confessions from a Food-aholic

As Thursday afternoon approaches, I can feel my heart clenching tighter and tighter. I sit in my office--working busily on the computer--and can feel the perspiration on my hands getting more and more intense. I slowly close down my computer, get off my aerobic ball on which I'm bouncing, balancing, and eating my string cheese, and head out of my office. I make my way through a maze of hallways and doors and enter a small and vacant room. There is a small circle of chairs, and I take my place. Group therapy is about to begin.

A Journey to the Unknown

Last week was one of the more interesting weeks of my life. It involved the ER, the BYU Police, lock-down units, cattle herding, delusions, homeless people and lots of talks to the bishop. Allow me to explain...