Do you have a question about relationships and flirting?

You can email me about any of your relationship and flirtation questions, and I'll be happy to address them in my blog. Won't that be fun! Its very Dear Abby, but hey...I'm just as good as she is! Just put "Dear Ottis" in the subject. Make sure your letters are annoymous though, to protect you and me. Send all questions to

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Kelly Clarkson and Breakups

Has anyone noticed that Kelly Clarkson is like the perfect person to listen to when you go through a break up? She covers everything that you go through, she hits every emotion, and does it with just the right amount of anger and passion. Well, at least for me. So, I thought I'd tell a little story using her music. Hope you enjoy it!

So, for those of you who don't know I just got out of a pretty serious relationship. It lasted just about 8 months. But, we were really close. Rings were purchased, plans were made, families were met, and life plans were altered. Then over the course of a rather dramatic, heated, and sad weekend it all ended. Even though I'm the one who did the ending, it hurt and was a painful experience.

(Please note that VEVO does not like its videos streamed on other sites. So even though the videos are embedded, you'll have to click over to youtube to actually watch them...sorry.)

So, here is my break up story as told by Kelly Clarkson. I use lots of her lyrics through out my explanations. But, of course you should consider listening to the songs while you read each section for maximum affect :)...haha. Also note that I'm writing this kind of to my ex. So, when I say you...I mean my ex. Not all you wonderful readers.

Because of You - I've now been in 3 abusive relationships. This one was by far the worst. I admit that in past relationships I've been shaken, hit, forced to cover up black eyes and bruises, and demeaned in many ways. This time around was different though. I was yelled at, shaken, called every name in the book, sworn at, told that I'm mentally disabled, made fun of for stuttering, made to feel like I'm nothing, and forced to change and accept things like I would never have done in a healthy relationship. I was made too afraid to function normally. All this by you, by the person that was supposed to love me more than anyone else. I never told you, but most people could see it. They saw my soul and my spirit were being damaged. They could feel my energies were askew. I realized that now, because of this, I have a hard time trusting not only myself but the people around me. I was forced to fake emotions, told that I have no direction in my life and that I have no thought for other people. It was a disaster. You never saw anyone else, you just saw your pain. And I've spent many nights crying in the middle of the night. Learning to recover from it has been difficult.
(Note I've chosen the Reba/Kelly duet here because this has nothing to do with my father...haha.)

Behind These Hazel Eyes - So, I ended things in a rush. I took all my things and left, and swore I'd never revisit the pain in my memory. But, as I sat alone, I realized that you were a part of me. At the beginning of our relationship I opened up and let you in, it was the first time in my life that I felt so tall, like I was loved, like I could do anything. You made me feel like I was alright for the first time in my life. But I sat there and I couldn't breath, I couldn't sleep. I was just barely hanging on. I was torn into pieces. I spent so much time crying. But no one will get to see the tears I cried behind these hazel eyes. I admit that I felt a lot of hate in my heart for you. And that is certainly my own fault. But, here I am once again, I'm torn into pieces. I can't deny it, I can't pretend. Just thought you were the one. Broken up deep inside. But you won't get to see the tears I've cried behind these hazel eyes.

Mr. Know it All  -  Ain't it something y'all when someone tells you something about you. Just another pill to swallow. I'm finally realizing that you didn't know a thing about me. You couldn't figure out that I really was the caring and loving person that I always told you I was. You said I'd never leave you, that'd I'd always come back to you no matter what. Well, you think you know me, but I'm leaving you lonely. Cause you really don't know a thing about me. You act like you own me. You don't have the right to tell me when or where. No right to tell me the person I'm gonna be.

Since U Been Gone - Then I went through my phase of being happy that it was over. I finally felt like I could breath again. I'm learning to move on. You really put me on, and I even fell for that stupid love song. All you'd ever hear me say is how I pictured me with you, that's all you'd ever hear me say. I guess you never felt that way. But just so you know: you had your chance. You blew it. Out of sight out of mind. And now I'm not interesting in hearing anything you have to say. Since you've been gone, I can breath for the first time. For the first time I can smile just because I want to. I can cry just because I want to. I can be happy just because that's how I feel.

You Thought Wrong - After our break up I started connecting with some of our mutual friends. That's when a lot of the other things started coming out. The lies. I found out that you approached one of our good friends and told him that I had given my permission to having an open relationship so you could sleep with him. Luckily you weren't his type. I found out that you had been telling our friends that I felt uncomfortable around them, and that I didn't really like them, and that's why I wasn't coming to see them. At the same time you were telling me that you'd rather I not go see them, even though I'd beg you. You said you wanted it to be just a you thing, so you could make more friends and feel connected to more people. You were really just trying to have time with him while I wasn't there. You know you had us fooled, and at your beck and call. But, look who's laughing now. You tried to use us against one another, but it won't work. We see right through your games. You try and deny your actions, but please give me the proper respect of the truth, because I know you did it. I don't believe anything you say. How could you shame me that way? Where did you get the nerve to even think you could play me? You thought we wouldn't find out, that we'd be in the dark, but we all know now. So, now who's the joke?

Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)  -  Now I'm finally in that place. The bed feels warmer sleeping alone. You think you got the best of me. You think you left me broken. I'm standing taller. It doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone. I'm not over because you're gone. Even if its just me, myself, and I. Now I've been dating again, I've been flirting again, I've been asked out. I'm remembering that I'm worth something. I'm something that other people can want. I'm worth being wanted, and worth being needed. I'm feeling empowered to have you out of my life. Thanks to you I have new things started, and I'm not the brokenhearted. Because what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. What doesn't kill you makes you a fighter, and makes your footsteps lighter. Cause I'm better off without you.

So that is my story. I hope you found it entertaining/interesting/enlightening. Most of all I hope that you'll find it empowering. Because of this experience I'm a stronger person. I'm ready to be the fighter that I need to be. I still want that relationship that is built from love, compassion, caring, understanding and open communication. Its the foundation of the friendship that lasts eternity. But, now I know even more. We all need to have boundaries. When someone crosses those boundaries, we shouldn't allow ourselves to tolerate it. I'm going to stand up for myself. I'm going to find someone who loves me and won't want to hurt me. I'm going to know that I am worth it! If any of you are in a relationship that you feel is abusive, be it emotional, verbal, physical, or sexual please know that you don't deserve that pain. Its nothing that you did. Pack your things, and walk away. There are lots of resources out there now if you need a safe home. But, the most important thing is to leave because you too deserve someone who will never hurt you.

If any of you have had similar experiences, have questions, or comments, I'd love to hear about them. Feel free to write to me at Remember not to include your real name. I'd love to hear from you and post your stories on my blog as well! Thanks


  1. I know you weren't writing this for me or anybody except your ex, but thanks for sharing. I loved this. Its so true and I have felt everything you are feeling. I listen to Kelly Clarkson Songs extra loud and always sing along because they remind me of what I have survived. Love you Cuz and I am glad you realized you are worth so much more than this. <3

  2. Lee, had no idea you were in a relationship, let alone all this. I'm so sorry, but I'm so impressed that you're handling it so well and doing the right things. Kelly would be proud.