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Wednesday, April 13, 2011

A Sunday First

"Welcome, welcome sabbath morning; Now we rest from ev'ry care.   List! The merry children's singing!  What a pleasing, joyful sound!"  Oh, what a tangled web we weave...  Anyway, this past Sunday I did something that I have always swore I would never do, something that I have avoided for ages, something that has constantly frightened me to the very core: I sang in church.  Let me tell you, this merry child's singing was probably not a pleasing or joyful sound.

After cooking a wonderful 5 course meal on Saturday night for several close friends, Emily and I rounded the piano, manned by Isaac to do our final run throughs of the piece.  Isaac, being the freakishly talented person that he is at the piano, had established a completely new accompaniment.  We had decided to sing Though Deepening Trials by Eliza R. Snow, but we did it to the old English melody Waly Waly (most commonly known for The Water Is Wide).  We did our usual pattern in said run through:  once through just kinda ok, then we did it once through getting all gospel-y (which Emily ROCKS at), and then once through for realsies.  Lets just say, even the real run through gave me no confidence.  I couldn't ever seem to get my final 3rd in tune, so ultimately just switched to singing a 5th.

As Sunday morning came along I woke up exceptionally early and laid in bed.  Then I got myself up, sent Emily a text, and got in the shower.  After having a full out panic attack in the shower, I got myself in my Sunday best and headed out the door.  I picked up Emily and parked.  We went into a room and had ourselves a little prayer.

Once the speakers started (there were 6...) I went out into the hallway and began pacing and drinking water like crazy.  You see, when I get nervous my mouth gets completely dry...which is not an ideal situation under which to sing.  So, once Patrick started his discourse, I had another little panic attack in the hallway, and got a big thing of water in my mouth and held it there until my time to sing.  Once Patrick sat down I went up to the front with Emily and said a little prayer.

I sang...badly

After singing, I headed back to my was taken by David.  So, I just left.  I just left and went and sat in my own little corner in another room and just embraced the awful fate that was mine to bare.  Now, I realize looking back that a lot of my emotions were due to the fact that I was completely exhausted from the day before and not getting back home until 2am and then waking up early.  But regardless, I was basically a wreck.  I felt like a complete failure.  I have been taking voice lessons for 4 years now, and you would have thought, by hearing me, that not only had I never taken a voice lesson, but that I had never sung in any way before.  It was just a complete and utter disaster.  Because of said experience, I have indeed vowed to never sing in public alone again.  I will hold to that vow, despite opposition.

After church, I headed home.  Trying to avoid eye contact with all witnesses to the train wreck was tricky.  But I made it home and did the rest of my typical Sunday activities.  After getting home in the evening, and trying to recover from the awful awful mood I'd been in all day, it was topped off when I saw the friendship notes.  Now, to be honest, there was one that was very nice, but the other 4 just made things even worse.  So, for fun I have included the text to said nice notes.  Now, I'm sure they were well intentioned, but they just made me really mad for some reason.  Probably because I hate these kinds of nice notes with a passion, even when I'm in a good mood.  They were just ridiculous.

"What do you say to taking chances?  What do you say to jumping off the edge?"

"If I said I want your body now, would you hold it against me?"

"I'm in love with you. That's all"

"You are a STUD MUFFIN with a voice like sexy white chocolate.  You are the man of my dreams"

and then the only nice and sincere one

"Great job on your song today! You guys did great!"

So, there you have it.  The worst day of the year.  One that I have no intention of duplicating.  One that will live in infamy.  One that I learned a lot from.  One where I had to say... Such is Life...


  1. Singing in church is HARD. I bet it wasn't as bad as you think. My little sister peed her pants once while singing in church--she was under five but still, that's embarrassing. But I'm sorry you weren't happy with it and I hope your week is better. (And I still wish I had been there. I have a feeling it was a lot better than you are painting here.)


    I totally understand the nerves. If I ever have to play piano in front of people my fingers go ice cold, which makes it all the harder to play. :/ But I'm sure you did great--you're your own worst critic, eh?

    And... those friendship notes are strange, especially the first one. Oh Provo, how I [don't really] miss you [at all].

    At least the stress is done and over with, hm?

  3. Leland, I am so proud of you!! Even if you felt like you failed, at least you did what you were afraid of doing - that alone is something to be proud of. And those 'nice notes' were rather shocking! Yikes! You stud muffin, you... :)

  4. i thought the dress rehearsal was AWESOME! even though emily and isaac kept jazzing things up a bit. but you ARE going to sing in public again. I'll make sure of that.

  5. I wish that I could have been there and I am so glad that you sang in church. When we were companions, Mariah taught me that it doesn't matter what musical numbers sound like as long as they invite the Spirit, and I am POSITIVE that your song did-how could it not after all of your careful prayers and practice?

  6. I just wrote a freaking long, encouraging comment on here, but it wouldn't let me post it for some reason, and now it's all gone. So talk to me later. Go Lee!