Do you have a question about relationships and flirting?

You can email me about any of your relationship and flirtation questions, and I'll be happy to address them in my blog. Won't that be fun! Its very Dear Abby, but hey...I'm just as good as she is! Just put "Dear Ottis" in the subject. Make sure your letters are annoymous though, to protect you and me. Send all questions to

Monday, October 26, 2009

Good-bye cruel world

So, this week I became subject to the notorious H1N1 virus...also known as the swine flu. I'm not gonna deny it was a beast. As I got sick, I was reminded by several people that this was the cause of death for tens of thousands of people just in the US alone. Well, I did what any normal person would do in my situation and embraced my likely fate. So, I got my Reese's Pumpkins, put Heroes in the DVD player, and got myself ready to pass on to the next life in utter joy and peace. I turned on the TV, put it to the right station, and turned on the DVD player. However, what horror should beset me, but to find that my DVD player isn't working. Oh, the painful agony of it all. Could things get any worse? Was I doomed to such an unfortunate fate? Why was I forced to pay for the crimes of so many in my torment?

So, I just waited for my time to come. As the moment drew near, a peaceful voice entered my mind. No, this is not the calming voice of the spirit preparing me for my parting, rather Winifred Sander's words from the hit blockbuster Hocus Pocus entered my mind:

"This is the end. I feel it. We are doomed. I can feel the icy breath of death upon my neck. Take me to the window, I wish to say good-bye. Good-bye. Good-bye cruel world. Good-bye to life. Good-bye, good-bye. Good-bye to all of that."

As I walked to our window, as per dearest Winifred's instruction, to look out upon the town of Provo, ready to say good-bye that fateful evening, I tripped on my laptop and stubbed my toe on the couch. As I fell to the couch in pain, my back conveniently hit right against the protruding bar coming out of the back of it. Oh, the dire fate that I was becoming subject to that evening.

--Fast-forward 3 days--

Well, the time has still not come. I'm alive and getting better. I guess that it just wasn't my time to go. I can't say that I'm incredibly disappointed or anything. I still have things to do in my life. I have to get back to the top of a certain "funniest people in my life" totem pole. I have to direct the Tabernacle Choir. I have to write and produce an instructional flirting video. I have to get married. I have to get this stupid song out of my head! Ugh.

--More fast-forwarding--

Well, it's now been over a week. I no longer feel the pains of the swine flu. Just some severe head cold symptoms. Nevertheless, I shan't ever forget the sickness that almost took my life. After all, it skipped over my life, and took my weekend, and that's just as bad...pretty much. But, such is life.


  1. I'm pretty sure you only paid for your own crimes . . .

  2. haha! i'm so glad you're better now! and that is quite the to-do list! good luck with it all!! ps. the bus ride home was good nothing exciting to report, just good and pleasant and the hope of good things to come.

  3. Haha Lee, I am proud to call you my cousin. And that's saying something. You are hilarious!

  4. oh lee you caught the swine you should have let me know and i could have at least watched hocus pocus with you like i'm bout to do tomorrow!!! anyways hope you continue to get better and don't slip/trip back into the depths of!!!

  5. Bless your heart. I am happy you are feeling better!

  6. certain people are trying to eliminate their totem poles.