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You can email me about any of your relationship and flirtation questions, and I'll be happy to address them in my blog. Won't that be fun! Its very Dear Abby, but hey...I'm just as good as she is! Just put "Dear Ottis" in the subject. Make sure your letters are annoymous though, to protect you and me. Send all questions to

Friday, May 6, 2011

The Hugs

Its been quite some time since I've discussed a flirtation technique on here, but I feel like its about time.  After all, disseminating my immense knowledge of flirtation was part of the purpose of this blog...hahaha.  So, todays topic is one of those interesting ones... the flirtatious hug.  So, I hope that you'll find this info enlightening and useful in your flirtatious endeavors.

First and foremost we should be reminded that there are 4 kinds of hug.  There are also variations on several of these kinds of hugs.  lets start with the least flirtatious and work our way to most flirtatious.  Remember that I'm not discounting the importance of each type of hug.  They certainly have their place and importants in the realm of physical contact.  We're looking at these solely under the guise of flirtatious encounters.

Hug #1 - The Side Hug
The side hug, also known as the Christian side hug, is one of those special hugs.  Imagine this senario: you've just had a wonderful date, the conversation flowed easily, the eye contacted lasted longer than typical but felt comfortable, there was touching, all around good time.  Then as you get to the door to say your good-byes, and the whole door scene is unfolding, you get to the all important hug.  Expecting a wonderful and comforting hug, you are disappointed at merely receiving a side hug.  Why?  What does this mean?  Well, we have to remember that the side hug basically means "Hey...we had fun...let's never see each other again...or do anything together again...please no, pretty please"  This is not the hug to give if ever wanting to be flirtatious...because it just says nothing.  Avoid it.

Hug #2 - The Guy-over-girl Hug
This is one of those tricky hugs for some reason.  Its an incredibly common hug, especially amongst the short girl/tall guy couples (please note that I still stand by my rule of a foot policy).  This hug is wonderful in well established couples.  It comes off as familiar, warm, comforting and slightly a good way.  However, these are not necessarily what you want to say in a flirtatious encounter.  In fact, I'll just go right ahead and say it, they are NOT at all what you wanna say in a flirtatious encounter, especially in an initial flirtation kind of setting.  It's too familial.  Too pedestrian.  Too casual.  Therefore, I would highly suggest you keep this hug to the situations described above.  There is something wonderful about keeping the purpose of something to its prescribed intentions...don't you think?  This hug will heretofore be one of those situation.

Hug #3 - The Criss-cross Hug
This hug holds a very powerful and important place in the hugging world.  Indeed, It is the hug you give your friends.  It is the hug you give you family.  It can say a plethora of things.  Add a pat on the back (variation a) and it says, "hey bud, its been for ever since I've seen you on the mish!"  Add a nice squeeze and a long hold (variation b) and it says, "I'm here for you while you're hurting/I really care about you in a friendly kind of way." It is surely a very important hug.  However, it is not a flirtatious hug.  Don't be fooled/confused.  It is not.  End of story.  Point.  Now, you might ask why.  I think the answer is easily found in the meaning behind said hug.  So, if you haven't figured it out, just go back and read that.

Hug #4 -The  Girl-over-guy Hug
This my friends, is the optimal hug.  I get excited just thinking about how wonderful it is.  it really gives the flirtatious message.  First and foremost, in this hug you have a maximum amount of body contact, or as my dear friend James would say, "some hip on hip action."  Rest assured, this is a wonderful thing.  A very wonderful thing indeed.  Secondly, this hug gives optimal access to the back of the guy's neck/head for the girl's touching pleasure.  This is a very sensitive spot on a man and therefore should be exploited...haha.  I feel fairly certain that you could talk to any guy, and receive a confirmation that this is a wonderful place to have touched.  lastly, this gives great access for the man to touch the nape of the woman's back.  This is also a very sensitive part on a woman.

Now, in typical terms of functionality, this is how a hug will typically go down.  When the hug is about to happen, the guy will extend his arms in a preparatory hugging gesture (arms and hands slightly extended at about waist level).  Then the woman will open her arms and bridge the gap between them.  Note that both the woman and man play equal roles in deciding what kind of hug will be shared.  This is mostly done subconsciously.  However, if you decide to be conscious then you can influence what kind of hug you'll have, and then continue the flirtation game.

Now, I've heard from several people that they find these hugs difficult to manage.  Let me just say, these hugs are utterly natural.  Does the optimal hug require confidence? Absolutely.  Does any good flirting require confidence? Absolutely.  So, you just have to get yourself out there.  Remember, we're trying to show a certain amount of interest through these flirtatious signals.  There, see that ye do not fear.  I bid you all happy flirting and wish you successful hugging!

1 comment:

  1. Lee, I just love you so much! This was an awesome post. Thank you!