Do you have a question about relationships and flirting?

You can email me about any of your relationship and flirtation questions, and I'll be happy to address them in my blog. Won't that be fun! Its very Dear Abby, but hey...I'm just as good as she is! Just put "Dear Ottis" in the subject. Make sure your letters are annoymous though, to protect you and me. Send all questions to

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Dear Ottis,

Unfortunately for me, and I would also say unfortunately for him, I have recently been broken up with by my bf of several months. It came as a total surprise, and in a matter of moments I went from guessing how long until the ring to how long until the brownies would be ready. Needless to say, it has been a rough several weeks, but I feel it is time to try and get back in the dating scene.

We all know that BYU is known for its social functions centered on creating a catalyst for flirtation. However, I find myself showing up to ward prayer and getting lost in the sea of people and my own anxieties. Lets face it, I suddenly can't flirt any longer. And its overwhelming to walk on campus and see all these men and feel anxious that the last one that past me was my soul mate and how am i ever to see him again?!?!?!

Contrastingly, I did go on my first date since the break up a few days ago. It was great for the first hour or so, and then suddenly my account titled "flirting tips and tricks" came up empty. At this point who was once "rude face ex" became "this years most eligible bachelor" and I was itching for him to speed up in a get-away car in front of the restaurant.

How do I get back on my A-game? Is there hope of finding Mr. Right on campus? And if so, how do I let him know I am his missing half if I am socially, emotionally, and flirting-ly handicapped?

-Bankrupt Flirter

Dear Bankrupt Flirter,

Let me begin by saying how sorry I am that you've recently gone through a break-up. Those are never fun. I'm sure that its more his loss than yours though. Just remember rule number 1. "You are a creature unlike anyother!" I most certainly agree that it is time for you to get back in the dating scene, and I recognize that dating and flirting in and of itself can be cause for anxiety and worry. Lets also remember that dating and flirting can be cause for great fun and enjoyment.

To get back on your A-game, I think there is one thing that you should remember. Flirting, and first dates for that matter, are all about having fun. There should be no pressure, there should be no "Is this 'The ONE'" type thinking. Just go and have fun interacting with members of the opposite sex. When you keep this mind set it actually does several things for you. First and formost, it keeps you relaxed and having fun. This is so important for a flirting and dating atmosphere. Second, when you're having fun, you actually subconsiously allow your self to flirt. You smile a gorgeous smile, you play with your hair, you give good eye contact and you become more open and vulnerable. Note that vulnerable here is not a negative, but a positive. Flirting is a completely natural behavior in all animal life. And lastly, it allows you to move on from prior relationships. When you can go and have a good time with another guy, feel attracted to him, and remember that not all men are 'skum' then that is a good sign that you are moving on. Flirting and dating is a necissary step to getting over someone, even if it starts off a little rocky.

Unfortunately, I can't help you know if someone is 'Mr. Right' for you. That is a deep and personal thing. What I can say is that when you allow things to develope naturally, without over thinking things, you will be able to determin if he is the right man for you, and you will learn to know yourself, and him, on a more intimate level.

I wish you the best of luck in your future dating and flirting. Remember...I'm single too...if you want :)

1 comment:

  1. Dear Ottis,

    I'm looking forward to your posts.